Here is a snippet of a very vast topic.
I use the art of listening rather than formulating a rebuttal or a “what is wrong with you” list while the other person is talking.
Being heard has a lot of healing value. I pay careful attention to what the patient is saying. If I need clarification, I present my understanding and ask him if this is correct. Sometimes, there is a significant back-and-forth until clarity is reached. This could take weeks. This is always a discovery period of the patient’s inner world.
It is startling how much healing is accomplished by just hearing the patient’s story and regarding it as credible, assuming it is not a delusion.
I have to be careful because everyone codes reality and creates his own story in his own distinctive way. For example, please see some humor here, dear reader; take the statement, “I had a cup of coffee with my client this morning.” This seems simple enough, right? Well, Tony Soprano took his nephew’s car and, with it, ran down a guy who owed him money, causing a compound fracture to the debtor’s leg. Tony then threw the remainder of his coffee on the guy as he rolled around on the grass in pain.
There are many things you cannot do, correct? List what you can do, take the first thing on that list, and carry that out.
I wrote a letter today to an organization that treated me poorly in the past. I won’t go into the details, but suffice it to say I was accused of something, and the accuser was talking about himself.
Will it change? Not likely.
Will anyone hear me? Not likely.
Will justice, well, my version anyway, be served? Not likely.
Will the past change? Definitely not.
After writing my concerns as respectfully as possible, did I feel better advocating for myself? Yes.
I tell stories. Using these stories, I create internal mental images the patient will likely follow in his mind’s eye. These images can be changed and modified over time, metaphorically modifying how the patient processes his internal reality.
I may tell a story that depicts the patient’s dilemma, placing characters and situations similar to the patient’s life where this dilemma is. Then, I may modify the outcome slightly and make a new choice look attractive to the patient. He may not elect a new way then, but the choice is placed in the patient’s inner world. Having an option where there was not an option is a good thing.
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